I’ve wanted to write about the subject of negativity for so long, but haven’t gathered up the guts to do so. Guess I was scared of negative feedback. But now, I'm like-screw that! I want to write about it. I mean it’s not 24/7 that we all feel sunny and on top of the world. Bad things happen and we go through shit and more often than not, people don’t want to hear about these things. It’s like when we express some form of sadness or negativity, it ruins the image that people have projected in their minds about us. But come on, as it’s been said over and over “We’re only human.”

I can understand why people do not want to subject themselves to any form of negativity. It ultimately brings us down and we don’t want to feel that. We always want to feel good. Things have to be fine if not okay. I admittedly shun the negative because it leads to undesirable thoughts of the things that are not going well in my life and the sad events of my past. Our natural instinct is to steer clear of the negative and so whoever is in a bad situation and when they speak of their situation, we avoid unintentionally. Why would we want to go where it’s raining, when we can go to a sunny place right?

In my opinion, the mistake there is that, instead of avoidance, we have to acknowledge that there is the negative. Shit happens to people and we should allow them to feel whatever they want in their situation. If they want to express anger, then let them shout. If they want to express sorrow, then let them cry. If they have done something crazy, then let them rant. Instead of criticizing, acknowledge that they’re going through this, listen and perhaps empathize. We don’t have to see them through and ultimately exhaust and give ourselves entirely to help if we’re not ready to, but to just let them express what they feel.

At times I have a hard time trying to determine whether I’m dreaming or not when I’m asleep. Sometimes dreams feel so real that when I wake up I try to figure which events really happened and which events were really just dreams. And I ask, are dreams just dreams? Are dreams just the products of our unconscious minds?

This leads me to wonder and imagine like what if when were dreaming, we’re actually entering or that we are in a different dimension. It’s like whenever we dream here, what we dream is actually happening there. Dreaming here is reality there and vice versa. I don’t know, but it’s fun to entertain this thought.

There’s this movie (by which title I do not remember) which actually demonstrates what I’m talking about. I haven’t seen the entire film but as far as the story goes, Demi Moore is this woman leading two lives. One life is where she lives in New York as a career woman and the other is where she lives in France with two kids. Whenever she’s asleep in one, she’s living the other and she couldn’t tell which one is her real life. Anyway, I’ve got to look for this film and watch it from start to end.

I know that there are numerous explanations and analyses about dreams, the unconscious, different dimensions and so on and so forth. Having a very inquisitive mind, I’ll probably read about these. It’s just that for now, it’s fun to allow the imagination to wander about and make up all sorts of stories about this certain subject.

Sometimes I imagine that in a different dimension: the sky is yellow, the fish swim in air, the ocean is above and the sky is below, and when we walk, we’re walking on air. These are the sort of images that weed, acid, or whatever poison produces. But mind you, I’ve only got a wild imagination. Hehehe! Anyway, it’s all in the spirit of being a child and having fun with our thoughts…

Life always has a way of shedding light when you feel that you’ve been under a dark cloud for far too long. I guess sometimes it tells us that you’ve been focusing too much on the negative side of things rather than the positive. It gives a slight nudge saying “Hey, go easy on yourself. Stop focusing on that aspect. You’re not seeing the bigger picture.”
I always took pride in my capability to look on the brighter side of life no matter how shitty the situation is. I find something to laugh about and maybe this is also why I enjoy sarcasm and dark humor. I sometimes think “Things couldn’t get any worse than this” and then they do. It’s like after you’ve been hit by a boulder, an avalanche occurs. So I just shrug, let out a sigh and say “Oh well. At least I’m still alive. I can dig myself out of this somehow.”
Last Sunday, however, I was consumed by the dark cloud that was looming over me. My strength to fight was failing me. I took the most unlikely decision-I gave up. I turned numb and got up like a zombie to go to work on Monday. Work had been slow for the last two months and I expected that day not to be any different from the others. I have ventured into the everydayness of things once again and it was depressing.
Things started to turn around all of a sudden. I was able to close a small deal and then one after the other, my bigger deals fell into place. All my work had eventually paid off. No matter how small or simple these events were, they helped me put things into perspective again. It provided me with a glimpse of one of the other aspects that were part of the bigger picture. And I think of myself “There’s so much more that I have yet to explore.” I'm beginning to be excited. Life is becoming sweet again.

Being inlove & Being inlove with the idea of Love

There is a thin line between actually being inlove and being inlove with the idea of it. I’ve tried talking about this with other people and they just gave me the look that said: “What the hell are you talking about?” or that they told me so. Having a sometimes over-analytical mind, this idea occurred to me from a practical sense and I was tired of being the “hopeless romantic”. I was a teenager at the time.

Anyway, I was trying to get over an ex when this idea popped in my head. I asked myself about what I loved about this person and I couldn’t even answer my own question. “How do I love thee?-Let me count the ways…” and there was none. The feeling was there and the pain was intense, but were they directed to an actual human being or towards what was shared and what could’ve been? I kept focusing on the feeling and the “sweet moments” shared and what could happen in the future if we had continued being together or if we reconciled. I realized then that I wasn’t inlove with him. I was inlove with the idea.

These two things are very different and yet they are very tricky. It’s difficult to distinguish one from the other. It’s only when you look closely that you will find how different they are. Emotions often cloud the mind, and sometimes impairs the better judgment of people. Loneliness leaves people susceptible and the lure of the idea of love leads people to jump into relationships (I was guilty of this) only to find that it’s not what it’s hyped up to be. It’s just part of the human condition, but this is not always a justifiable reason because in one way or another, someone gets hurt.

We all know the definition of love and they are relative to each and every one of us. But I guess it’s when you’ve really understood it's meaning that you can truly differentiate love from being inlove with the idea of love. This understanding helps to get over and let people go. And it helps to become less impulsive and more diligent in making decisions on whether to get into a relationship or not and the actions we take. I also find that it helps people to become selfless rather than selfish because you're already considering other people's feelings instead of just your own.

Everyone has a favorite day. When I was a kid, I used to enjoy Saturdays because I get to play with my friends and stay up late because it wasn’t a school night. Then I started to enjoy Fridays when I became a teenager, throughout College and when I started working. It was the end of the week and the start of the weekend which meant-going out, partying and relaxing with friends.
For some reason, quite recently, I started enjoying Tuesdays. Nothing exciting or I don’t have a particular activity planned on that day, rather, it’s like any other normal weekday. This meant that I would go to work, go home, have dinner and watch television. I would enjoy my favorite tv shows while snug in bed or while having a big snack-apart from dinner.
There is nothing exciting or profound about the activities that I do on Tuesdays, but I always feel good on that day. It’s like that day always reminds me of the simple pleasures of life that we sometimes take for granted because of everything that is going on around us. Our minds are often preoccupied with worries and problems that we sometimes neglect the fact that we also have good things going for us. Whatever those things may be, they’re always there. It’s only a matter of recognizing and acknowledging them no matter how ordinary or simple they may seem. They’re good so enjoy them.
I enjoy the fact that I do have a job, I can enjoy the simple pleasure of watching tv in a comfortable and safe home, I’ve got good friends to message and speak with, I get to enjoy delicious food, and I’ve got a mind that allows me to recognize and appreciate all these things. I’m always left grateful before I fall asleep on the night of Tuesdays. My mind is clear and quiet on that day. Life is good.