Being inlove & Being inlove with the idea of Love
There is a thin line between actually being inlove and being inlove with the idea of it. I’ve tried talking about this with other people and they just gave me the look that said: “What the hell are you talking about?” or that they told me so. Having a sometimes over-analytical mind, this idea occurred to me from a practical sense and I was tired of being the “hopeless romantic”. I was a teenager at the time.
Anyway, I was trying to get over an ex when this idea popped in my head. I asked myself about what I loved about this person and I couldn’t even answer my own question. “How do I love thee?-Let me count the ways…” and there was none. The feeling was there and the pain was intense, but were they directed to an actual human being or towards what was shared and what could’ve been? I kept focusing on the feeling and the “sweet moments” shared and what could happen in the future if we had continued being together or if we reconciled. I realized then that I wasn’t inlove with him. I was inlove with the idea.
These two things are very different and yet they are very tricky. It’s difficult to distinguish one from the other. It’s only when you look closely that you will find how different they are. Emotions often cloud the mind, and sometimes impairs the better judgment of people. Loneliness leaves people susceptible and the lure of the idea of love leads people to jump into relationships (I was guilty of this) only to find that it’s not what it’s hyped up to be. It’s just part of the human condition, but this is not always a justifiable reason because in one way or another, someone gets hurt.
We all know the definition of love and they are relative to each and every one of us. But I guess it’s when you’ve really understood it's meaning that you can truly differentiate love from being inlove with the idea of love. This understanding helps to get over and let people go. And it helps to become less impulsive and more diligent in making decisions on whether to get into a relationship or not and the actions we take. I also find that it helps people to become selfless rather than selfish because you're already considering other people's feelings instead of just your own.
4 Comments:
Love, my ass. I do what I can. But generally it turns my brains to soup. So I'm taking a leave from that icky romantic feeling for a loooong time. Gross! Unless, of course, Hugh Jackman divorces his (fugly) wife and pursues me. I'd sleep with him in seconds and conceive his babies right here where I'm standing. hweehweehwee! SERIOUSLY.
loved this post deb! it happens so often that people just want to be attached to the idea of being in love with someone (anyone!) that they don't see how toxic or unreal the relationship is.
before i hooked up with my boyfriend i asked him to write 30 (not 3, not 13, 30!) reasons why he would want to be with me. i wrote the same. it helped us understand why we wanted to be with each other rather than with anybody else :)
much love, cat
Hi Deb. You know, I've pondered on that exact thought sometime back. It seems to manifest itself whenever I think exes are involved.
Yes I agree that it is hard to distinguish being in love with the idea of love. One has to step back and look clearly to find the fine line that divides the two. However, would you actually want to do that? I mean sure it could take all the pain away if things don't work out but, it could also take away any spark or excitement that could happen.
Hey Frank :)
It doesn't necessarily mean that it would take the spark away. The good times shared or that could be shared should never be discounted. Enjoy the good moments for what they are. It's just that each person has to keep in mind what the real underlying feeling is. Whether it be attraction, infatuation or love, acknowledge it for what it is.
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