On my way home last Saturday, he played the song: Anna Begins in his car. I’ve always liked listening to this. I remember for about a month how many years back, August and Everything After was the only album playing in my car. For some reason, Counting Crows made me feel mellow. It relieved me of the stress from driving in this country-It helped me cuss less at the idiotic motorists that I would come across. I didn’t pay much attention to the lyrics of their songs, but since they sounded good, I sang them anyway.
But for some reason that Saturday afternoon, that song struck a nerve. The lyrics hit me in a way that never did before. It made me realize that I was in a situation that I was not ready to handle. I thought I could because this was not the first time I’ve ever been in one. I have developed a defense mechanism that prevented me from getting emotionally involved. I’ve always been a carefree person and it was always about having fun-no strings attached. Whenever I felt that things were getting intense, I would retreat and move on to other adventures. Things were easier that way. I’ve worried far too much and been disappointed over and over. So I’m sick of it and I’ve pretty much had enough. Never put your feelings on the line. It’s like gambling where the stakes are high-it’s either you’re a big winner or a sore loser and it’s hard to earn back whatever you’ve lost. And I’m not ready to take that risk-well at least, not yet.
I know that life involves a lot of risks and if you want to live and grow as a person, you’ve got to take them. I don’t know when I’ll be ready. I’m still trying to build a relationship with myself and this situation isn’t helping. Oh, and it’s scaring the shit out of me! I have to get myself out of this before it gets any deeper. But I’m sure that eventually, I’ll be brave enough to take them again-knowing very well that I’ll be strong enough to handle whatever pain those risks might entail. I find that it is essential that there are times that we should take risks and there are times that we should avoid them. It’s all about knowing yourself and allowing yourself to grow at your own pace.
http://www.songlyrics4u.com/counting-crows/anna-begins.html
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"But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace
and love's pleasure, then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing floor; Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh,
but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears." - Kahlil Gibran
"...I am not overly concerned with the status of my emotions 'oh,' she says, 'you're changing' But we're always changing. It does not bother me to say 'This isn't love' Cause if you don't wanna talk about it then it isn't love. Guess I'm gonna have to live with that but Im sure theres something in the shade of gray or something in between. And I can always change my name if thats what you mean..."
Rock on Deb! I love "Anna Begins" Probably one of the best songs I know. It means a lot to me, too, that song. Its nice to know you still have you're rock roots in you! and whoever that guy was who played it, go for it! If he likes that song he's a keeper! Heehee.
I remember that album of Counting Crows; I probably memorized all the songs there. Never thought of you as a CC fan. I remember writing poems while listening to that album. Cold Play is good also… just in case you might want to know… It’s nice knowing this stuff about you. Wonder who the lucky guy is… I always thought of playing Sting’s “When we dance”
Play "when we dance" while driving with you... That song reminds me of you...
Thanks Pam, but he's not a keeper. He's just a friend.
...I love that song "When we dance". I remember listening to a compilation that my best guy friend made for me during college which had that song as well as "#41" and "Back You Up" by the Dave Matthews Band...brings back good memories :)
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