It's been a while since I've been attracted to someone. Met him under the oddest and not the best of circumstances and found myself engaged in a very interesting conversation. I started the conversation with a weird question that people would normally not know how to react to or would rather ignore. I spoke my mind and he entertained it and through the course of it, I formed the impression that he was a very open-minded individual that is unique in the sense that he's very liberated and had the funniest of opinions to share. I find that few people are, even if they try to act as if they were-sort of pretending to be unpretentious and carefree. So in this sense I always have my guards up whenever I converse with people. Anyway, he surprised me and I found myself thinking of him for the past few days-wondering when I can share the deepest, most absurd and casual conversations with him again. I’m looking forward to it, but I hate thinking about it. As much as I do not want to admit it, I like him more than just a simple crush. I loathe this feeling. The situation that I am in right now is precisely what I have been trying to avoid for the longest time. And I am desperately trying to make it go away. These are the beginnings of heart ache. I know that relationships don’t necessarily always lead to pain, but I would rather not take the risk. I’ve taken far too many risks and more often than not, when I allow myself to fall, I wind up broken. It takes such a long time to piece myself up together again and regain strength and I’m just so tired of that. And I’m trying to figure out means and ways to prevent myself from getting any deeper. Distractions are always good to keep myself preoccupied and his absence helps. I dread and yet I long to see him. Shit! I hate it! He's not even cute!