I woke up in cold sweat Thursday morning with my heart palpitating. My mind was racing and I thought I was going to pass out. I lay in bed willing it to go away. I told myself to relax-wanting desperately for it to go away. Could I die? Will I die?-were the thoughts that kept running through my head. I told myself no.
After 3 hours being in that state, I was exhausted and I fell asleep. I woke up in the afternoon calm and relaxed. I asked myself-what the hell happened? Did I have a panic attack or something? Was that brought about by stress? What? My body always tends to act up under stress-complications here and there. I've been in and out of hospitals. The Doctors couldn't always figure it out. I've always been a sickly person-weak and unfortunately, easily afflicted. Sometimes I think that it's a miracle that I've survived so many illnesses. I guess my will to live is stronger than I think.
I was not able to go to work so I stayed in bed all day and watched television. I kept my mind blank and let myself be absorbed by the movies and different programs being aired. I was tired of trying to make sense of what happened.
The afternoon passed and evening came. I was becoming restless and decided to run through the latest magazine that my mother got me. I came across certain articles that gave a common idea-never give up your dreams no matter what. I put the magazine aside and watched a program on television. The episode on the program gave the same thing.
This was something that I could no longer ignore.
Do you know when life gives you a million signs and that more often than not, you choose not to see them? Eventually the signs grow bigger and bigger, louder and louder, and they finally hit you. Well, in my case, it was this episode that I experienced this morning. My heart was pounding the threat of death and when I grew calm, it was the television and the magazine that gave me a nudge and told me-hey! Stop wasting time and figure out what you really want to do with your life and live your dream! Death is always lurking and there can never be certainty. One of the worst things that people do is to have their dreams unlived.