I am experiencing a certain serenity that I haven’t had for many weeks. Too many things have been running through my mind and it felt like the world was spinning. It’s like 10 conversations have been going on continuously all at once and it refuses to stop even in my sleep. Questions such as: What do I really want to do with my life? What career do I really want? Should I leave the country and live a life elsewhere? What am I doing to myself? Why do I loathe myself? Why am I having such a difficult time dealing with my past-issues that have become the demons that torture my existence?
Questions will never cease but there will always be answers that will come in due time. Actually, come to think of it, the answers have been there all along but we sometimes fail to recognize them until we’re ready to. Maybe we’re standing too close or too far from them, or we may be focusing on other things but not necessarily the wrong ones. It’s like life finds means and ways for us to go through so much before we finally see and understand the answers that we’ve been looking for.
I have been beating myself up for the mistakes I have made-dwelling and either trying to avoid all the issues or finding easy ways out. Fear and impatience is a terrible combination I tell you, and because I nurtured them, they have impaired my better judgment on the situations that I have been presented with. The numerous mistakes fused themselves and turned into a bomb that exploded and shattered me. When the smoke cleared and when things started to calm down, I started picking up the pieces which contained the questions and when I looked around me, there they were-the answers that I have been looking for all these years. They came like a soft soothing breeze that was simple, unassuming, understanding and comforting. Along with that soft breeze were very simple words that said “You’re going to be okay.”