Last saturday I hooked up with Joe and his girlfriend Moo. I've been planning to since I got here, but because of the holidays and limited weekends it took two months before we saw each other. Weekends here have to be well spent because there's no time during the work week to go out unlike in Manila. I miss that very much. Although, on the brighter side of things-this kind of situation makes me appreciate weekends more. Even as we're slaving away at work, it's something to look forward to.

As usual, I took the Bart and was picked up at the Daly City Station. Joe and I had dinner at this Thai restaurant and later on went to his girlfriend's house to hang out and for me to get settled in before we went out. Since I lived far away, they invited me to spend the night there. And when we got there, I was pleased to find that Moo's a very cool girl and an easy person to talk to. She was very accomodating and fun.

They took me to this club called Snow Drift. It was located in the industrial part of SF and there was no other bar close by. It's a cool place. For that evening, a lot of Pinoys were there. It's funny that I felt like I was in Manila for a short while. I also saw some familiar faces. The only downside of it was that the crowd wasn't as sociable. I remember an American trying to befriend the group beside us by toasting and greeting them and he was ignored. It's not that they were snobbish, I guess partly it's some shy nature that we have or simply-it's just the way we are.

I, for one, am a shy person-the type who wouldn't start a conversation and wouldn't talk unless spoken to. But I find that I am more sociable and friendly here. Perhaps it's because people here are more friendly and chances are, my greeting would be acknowledged. I remember whenever I'd try to talk with a stranger in Manila, I'd find that they're either awkward in having to talk or they simply act as if they haven't heard anything. It's like you have to be introduced before an easy conversation could take place. But the good thing about it is that once we're well acquainted, there's a certain warmth and connection that follows.

After hanging out for a few hours in Snow Drift, they took me to Voodoo Lounge. And I must say that I like the place. It somehow reminded me of a bar in Malate, but it was brighter. What also appealed to me was that the crowd was diverse. You can mingle with anyone and everyone. I wanted to stay longer, but we couldn't because the bar was about to close. That's one of the downsides here-the bars close early.

They drove me home the next day. But before that, we went to Ashby to have brunch. I had a manageable hangover so I was able to enjoy the brief walk to the ecclectic Hawaiin cafe. It was nice to look around because the place had an artsy crowd and the shops were interesting. And as I was walking, I thought of going back by myself so that I would have the freedom to look around and shop at my own pace without having to hassle anyone.

Little by little, I'm able to go around. What may seem to be ordinary to everyone else is for me, an exploration already. I'm exploring a new place, finding new things and learning a new culture. Even if we are somehow westernized, it is still different to actually experience it. I feel like a child discovering new things and it's fun. And little by little, I think I'm beginning to overcome that certain fear of having to do something by myself and on my own in a foreign land (to think that I've always thought of myself as a very independent and somewhat fearless person).

As with the rule of opposites-there are good days and bad days. And today was a bad one for me. I had a slight misunderstanding with someone and had to muster the strength to keep myself from saying anything harsh and hurtful. My patience and temperament was being tested and I succeeded in biting my tongue, but failed to prevent myself from crying out of frustration. That incident provoked all the pent up stress and sorrow within me. I had to struggle to regain control over my emotions to be able to go about my business. All the while I was trying to be logical and understanding as I thought it better to remain quiet than say anything that would exacerbate the situation.

Again I must say that patience truly is a difficult virtue to keep. Swallowing up the words of retaliation takes a tremendous amount of strength, but takes it's toll in one way or the other because you prevent the release of emotion. I've kept my mouth shut and maintained my head up high with dignity to prove my self worth, express my good breeding and maintain the good values that I've learned and regained. It's hard when many are out to look for all the mistakes that you could possibly commit. Your every step, breath, and words that you mutter are closely watched.

It's difficult to draw the line between constructive and destructive criticism. It hurts to be criticized, but then it is also essential for change, growth and improvement. So I try to take it and interpret it the best way I can-not as a threat but as a challenge to be better. My understanding has to be stretched beyond its limits. My heart and spirit must maintain pure even if it is threated to be polluted by what could be a harsh environment. I will not retaliate with the same stone or bullet fired at me. I will leave the stone on the ground where it fell after hitting me and extract the bullets from my body and throw them away. I will acknowledge my mistakes, but for those I have none, I will simply stand up and walk away knowing that I am a better person.