It’s amusing how a bigger place can offer a smaller world. And how a smaller place can offer a larger world. In a short span of time-I’ve lived in both. They say that it’s all a matter of how you perceive everything and I agree. Depending on how we see things, everything is relative.

I keep seeing visions of the previous life I’ve had in the States recently. I remember the restaurants we used to visit, the scenic views of the bay that I used to get lost in, and the trips I’d take to the city to shop and take long walks. Life can be ideal there. I miss it and I somewhat wish I could go back in time to experience it again. Though it can get stressful at work and lonely sometimes, it had its wonderful moments.

I ask myself if I want to go back and I feel uncertain. I’d like to live a life there again but perhaps I’m just not ready yet. For now, I’m still finding out the possibilities that this small space amidst the jungle of concrete, steel and glass offers.

It’s somehow ironic that these two places can offer opposites. They both contain the pieces of the puzzle of the world I desire. How can I put them together? Or do some of us always have to live in places that have certain pieces missing? Is it possible to make things whole?

I watch people around me and I find that they’re settled. They stand firmly on the ground beneath their feet and they’re consumed with strengthening its foundation. It’s like they’ve pieced the puzzle together and have now started to apply cement. I sometimes wonder why I’m not like them. I’m still trying to find out where I belong.

I was walking in the park one Sunday afternoon.
The sun was about to set and the sky was filled with beautiful vibrant colors of blue, purple, pink and orange.
The breeze was calm and I could hear the leaves rustling on the trees.
It was calm and peaceful.

I paused on my tracks to appreciate the view of the horizon.
I thought to myself that ‘I wish all afternoons were like this’.
But then ‘Nah, all afternoons would just like be any other.’
I took a long deep breath and continued on my path.

Suddenly a distinctive tree caught my attention.
Unlike the other surrounding trees, it only bore 1 fruit.
I could not make out what kind of fruit it was, but it looked enticing.
And so I increased my pace and walked towards it to take a closer look.

The tree was not big, but it was not small either.
I somewhat felt that it was the right size that I would like to have if I had a garden.
It had numerous branches and the leaves boasted the most intense color of green.
And the fruit gleamed of the most tempting red that made my mouth water.

The fruit was not an apple for I hate apples.
I still couldn’t determine what it was even if I was close enough to almost touch it.
But I could not because it was out of reach from where I stood.
It seemed more appealing because it was so near and yet it wasn’t.

There were a number of obstacles before I could reach up to get the fruit.
The first was that the tree was surrounded by mud.
It was quite odd because the other trees were surrounded by grass.
The second was that I had to climb and step on a thin branch before I could grasp the fruit in my hand.

I contemplated and stared as the fruit whispered so many delicious words to me.
Then a scent touched the tip of my nose and it drew me closer.
I was beginning to really want it and the mystery and wonder became almost hard to bear.
And so I took a step in the mud despite ruining my precious slippers.

My foot sank deep and it felt icky.
While the tree smelled sweet, the mud had a repulsing smell.
But when I looked up, I was closer to the fruit.
The sight of it was overpowering the stench of the mud.

I tried to plant my foot firmly in the mud to prevent myself from slipping, but I couldn’t and I wound up sinking even deeper.
I suddenly felt uneasy.
Something inside of me told me that maybe the fruit’s not as tasteful as I might’ve imagined it to be.
As the minutes passed, my foot sank deeper and I could feel tiny insects crawling around my foot.

Slowly, I was feeling fear and the breeze blew a colder wind.
The stench was growing stronger but then I thought ‘why don’t I climb on to the branch?’
Although, there was no way that I could avoid stepping my other foot in the mud.
‘Should I take the risk so that I can taste the fruit?’ I asked myself

I looked at the fruit and felt myself moving the other to step in the mud.
And just as I was about to touch the mud, I planted my foot back on the grass.
I tugged at the other and pulled it out of the mud.
Then I slowly turned around and started walking away.

‘But what if it offers the most extraordinary taste that I won’t ever find anywhere else in the world?’
‘What if this is the only chance I’m presented with to grab that fruit?’
‘It’s just there. I can go back.’
These were the thoughts that flooded my head.

I was struggling not to look back.
I continued to ask questions ‘What if someone else gets it?’
My mouth was still watering and the wonderful smell still lingered.
‘Let someone else have it. It’s not worth the risk.’