Someone recently asked me when was the last time I was happy and I suddenly retreated to that beautiful day:

I was in Bora with Cristina during holy week last year and it was a Black Saturday. As usual, we were enjoying a good drink while watching the sun set on the horizon. We were both sloshed and enjoying a good conversation with Ilac or rather she was enjoying a good chat while I lounged around.
I suddenly felt like I wanted a good swim so I left them by the shore and slowly walked to the sea. The sun felt warm and the water was soothing against my skin as I floated towards the sunset. I looked up to the sky and felt gratitude.
It was such a wonderful and tranquil moment in my life. I had no worries, no anger, no fear nor sadness. I was part of the earth and the earth was part of me. I was happy.

I'd like to feel that way again. And this time I don't want it to be temporary. I want my peace of mind again for I have lived as if everyday's color was gray. I have failed to see the colors surrounding me.

I've always figured that seeing gray was safe because seeing colors fade was more painful than anything. There was a twisted sense of comfort for a long time there. It became the familiar.

But I don't want that anymore. I'm tired of being tired and I want to breathe again. It's still a struggle-wondering each night if tomorrow may be a bright or cloudy day. Right now, I just pray for the strength to overcome the darkness within me.